i cried today. infront of everyone. technically it wasnt infront of everyone, i was sitting behind them. but they knew that i cried.
i cried because of the pain in my back and neck that had worsened. i cried because of my frustration that i could not endure anymore. but more importantly i cried because of my stupidity.\
people thought that i was kidding, that i was the slacker, that i was just lying to "get it easy". what they couldnt see was the pain behind every smile of mine. every shriek of "happiness" or every laughter was just a cover.
i see now that position and the so called "respect" is what makes the world go round. i understand that now.
i just feel so stupid is that i've been looking forward to this outing so much, that i kinda forget the othr things. that was my fault ,i apologise.
i feel so stupid because of this outing i quarrelled with my mom causing her to be so disappointed in me. i should have just listened to her and stayed at home.
i feel so stupid because i thought i wasnt gonna hurt myself as long as i was careful. but in the end, after so much pain and money put in healing my back, it got worse again.
i feel so stupid as to why i have to endure other people's mistake and take it up as mine. why do i have to be the scape goat. why am i the one that is always blamed for others mistake. that i will not understand. i've learned already, i shall NEVER be anyone's scape goat. i am through with this. no more covering. i am tired of all this crap.
i feel so stupid that after all the hard work that i've put into everything, people still talk behind my back saying that im the slacker, i've not been doing anything. im tired.
i have listened enough, and i am tired. from now on im just going to close my ears and heart. its a waste of time.
i thought that after "being" together for almost 3 years they would have come to understand us. i think not. i think not.
I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM SO MUCH FOR CAUSING MY BACK AND NECK TO HURT! I HATE THEM ALL.
i remeber somebody saying that people tend to understand only the bad times and never the good ones. i understand that sentence now.
