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Tuesday, February 24, 2009
School has come to a stand-still now with day camp coming tomorrow.
so, all the tests and homework have stopped pouring in like rain.
had remedial until 5 plus today.
feeling ssoo dead tired now.
was EXTREMELY high during math remedial and i scared Li Kheng and Rox and probably mr. soon off with my burst of hysteric.
they were like completely freaked out by my behavior.
actually i dun enjoy being all stern and strict.
i also want to have a life, go out, heck care about work.
dun care about tests, dun worry about breaking the rules.
talk during lesson time, gossip about other people
but where i am standing does not allow me to do that.
however much i want to be myself, i cannot.
my situation does not allow me.
i feel so pathetic.
it feels like nobody noes the true me.
all they can probably remember of Pamela is probably that she's prim and proper.
a guai girl who passes up her homework on time.
who only knows how to suck up to teachers.
a detestable person.
a hypocrite.
After all, how many people can actually remember the true me?
a person who loves to lame about, slack here and there.
pon band, talk to friends, play badminton,go running,
who can remember me for how i was truely.
Being a senior in band, having "O" levels in less than 3 months, being a SL ,does that not make me humane too.
am i inpenetrable?
can i not fall?
i have to keep up under the constant pressure set by friends,teachers,parent,cousins.
People all around me telling what i should do, how i should do it, how i should conduct myself, how i speak,their expectations of me hitting the roof.
MY feelings are they none existent
do they not care of how i feel?
Am i a puppet?
to respond only when one's strings have been pulled.
to smile when i am told to,
to keep silent when i am told to,
to blend into the shadows instantly when my purpose is fulfilled.
but the main point is who would pull me up when i fall?
who would be kind enough to notice me and repair me back into shape?
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7:54 PM
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