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Wednesday, July 28, 2010
i learned today. thats its actually very difficult to smile when all u want to do is cry. when all the feelings, guilt, sadness, disappointment come rushing back to u, how to stop it? to hold back those tears. is not easy. not easy, but still i did it. maybe they realised the change in my voice today. the hollow sound in it. i have no more energy left. i sat there quietly.
everyday, i realise my inadequate in things. i realise. i know. and i try to change. but when you are handling 30 different stuff everyday. and all u have is 24 hours, its difficult to actually concentrate. this sounds like an excuse everything. every time i lift my hopes up. only to have it crushed so miserably. to swallow everything and not choke it out. its difficult.
i finally realised what my teacher said. that u never want somebody to lose hope in u. because when that person loses hope, then there is no more going back. im losing it.. inch by inch, day by day.
i walked home a lot slower than normal today.
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